TGIF Hates Katie Herzog

"This is like wine-mom NPR."

For several weeks, Comedy News Lesbian and Blocked & Reported co-host, Katie Herzog, has been standing in for other CNL, Nellie Bowles, on The Free Press’ weekly news round-up, TGIF.

TGIF is Nellie’s baby. And like any mom, sometimes she needs to leave in the middle of the night with a carry-on full of prescription pills and a one-way ticket to Vegas. Katie was the fun new babysitter and, for a couple of days, the kids were thrilled.

But it’s been a few weeks, they’ve run out of Paw Patrol episodes, the couches have been flipped over, something’s burning, there’s no more apple juice, and they JUST. WANT. MOMMY.

You’re sure she’s a nice person?

David, if you’re in danger, blink twice. Katie is on the no-fly list after all.

No Judy, no more snacks, it’s time to put on your PJs and brush your teeth.

That’s three questions, you’re bad at this.

She can’t.

#bornthisway #notallheroeswearcapes

Vox? Huffpo? Oof, this one actually stings.

I always feel dirty after listening to Katie. Honestly, that’s 90% of the appeal.

Big Wally, are you flirting with Katie?

That’s funny, Katie is regularly mistaken for an 8-year-old boy.

Which vibes? The Big Wally vibes?

Oh, those vibes.

Gross dude. You like Mamet’s cartoons?

Dunkin, actually.

Her and Ben Affleck.

Where’s your data? Was this peer-reviewed?

No, no, you meant to say Katie you’re a terrible person. Which is fair. She’s very open about her membership in Terrible Persons Anonymous.

Great Job? Cool Ascot? Allahu Akbar?

(Okay, that last one is actually pretty good)

Look, if you really want to hit Katie where it hurts tell her that Nellie is 1989 Indigo Girls, Katie is 2020 Ellen DeGeneres.

Katie doesn’t suck. Big Wally might though.

---

Folx— now that our beloved PNW Jihadi, Katie Herzog, has been bullied out of her only stable gig, we need to rally together to make sure that she doesn’t lapse into day-drinking while screaming at reruns of Terri Gross and leaving Moose to wander the cold, lonely streets of Seattle.

I will be collecting funds (which I definitely won’t steal) to float Katie until she can get back on her feet.

Please, think of Moose 🙏

Matthew